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I think I was two, maybe almost three years old when my brother Henry came along. I admit, I don’t remember looking forward to having a sibling. I was pretty mad about the whole thing. My mother still tells people about the time I used an entire bottle of Elmer’s glue to try and seal the baby’s room door shut—and he hadn’t even arrived yet. Besides, he was getting my old room, the one with the fun window you could crank open on hot days, and what good was that going to be for a baby, anyway?
It didn’t matter that I had brand new wallpaper in my new room with ladybugs that were as soft as velvet to the touch—the room that used to be Daddy’s office with the big oak desk—or that my mother had taken me shopping to find the perfect ladybug bedspread to match. It didn’t matter that I had a new big-girl bed with a tall canopy and wispy white curtains that billowed in the breeze from the open window like sails.
It didn’t matter, because I was sure, once that baby came, no one would love me anymore.
It was after the Elmer’s glue incident, after my Daddy had threatened to paddle me within an inch of my life—he never did, he never touched either of us in anger that way, but he would say it sometimes and it was the one time I really believed he might actually do it—I finally crawled into my mother’s lap and laid my soul bare.
She didn’t rush to reassure me or change my already-made-up little mind. She just rocked me gently and let me cry about it for a while.
Finally, she asked, “You love me, don’t you, Janie?”
I nodded against her breast, easily giving her the reassurance I was looking for myself.
“And you love your daddy, don’t you, precious?” She stroked my hair, long and blonde like hers, only a few shades lighter.
“Yes,” I agreed, squirming in her lap, already sensing somehow what was coming.
“But how can you love us both?”
Her question stopped me and I stared up at her, my mouth gaping, the realization slowly dawning. She whispered, “Our hearts are so big, Janie, that we can always love. No matter what. We always have room to love someone else.” Then she laughed and cuddled me close. “Besides, we’re Baumgartners. We can love the whole world if we want to.”
And it was true. They loved me and they loved my brother, and we both loved them. We were a family—we were the Baumgartners, and we Baumgartners could love the whole world.
At the time, my mother was just reassuring a jealous sibling, saying something to comfort me when my world was about to expand beyond my usual, comfortable boundaries
Years later, though, pressed between two warm bodies under the sheets, I would remember her words, and they would take on a whole new meaning.
I was resistant to the idea at first, sure that I wouldn’t get enough love, enough attention, that my world would come crashing down if I included anyone else, but I was proven wrong then, and I was proven wrong later. Experience proved me wrong again and again, opening my heart wider with every new encounter.
I was a Baumgartner. I was made to love—often and well. My mother was right. She always is.
Sometimes I think I really could love the whole world, if the world gave me a chance.
* * * *
* * * *
I usually didn’t spend the night in their bed.
Mostly it was to keep up appearances—Beth was in second grade and smart as a whip, and none of us wanted her asking questions we couldn’t answer. But it was something else, too. Ronnie and TJ’s bed was…well, it was their bed. They loved me and I loved them, and sometimes I shared their bed, but it was still…theirs. It was an unsaid sort of thing, but they wanted it like that, and really, so did I. It was better that way.
We were always careful—the door was firmly shut and locked at night—but once in a while, usually on a weekend when no one had to set an alarm for the morning rush, I’d wake up pressed firmly between their flesh, TJ’s thigh tucked between mine from behind, my cheek resting against Ronnie’s breast, my breath making her nipple hard even in her sleep. I liked those mornings, in spite of myself. It was a delicious way to wake up, feeling TJ’s hand moving over my hip, watching as he reached across me to tweak his wife’s nipple, encouraging her awake.
Our nights were long and wild and crazy, but our mornings, when we had them, were invariably slow and sweet and lazy. Ronnie was a deep sleeper, the slowest to respond to TJ’s early morning urges, but I was all too aware of him with the swollen length of his cock rubbing me from behind. I couldn’t help wiggling back against him, spreading my legs to make room for him to slip between, not entering me, just using the flesh of my thighs to press him snugly as he rocked against me.
He liked it when I reached down to touch myself, spreading my smooth pussy lips, letting my wet slit become a slick crevasse for him to plow through, still not entering me, teasing my clit with the head casino oyna of his cock with every pass. Even our gentle rocking and my soft moans as TJ cupped the fullness of my breast in his hand, rolling my nipple between thumb and finger, didn’t wake Ronnie. She slept, her hair spread out on the pillow, my own mixed with hers like flecks of gold in the darkness, while her husband probed between my legs with his fingers now instead of his cock, following my wetness to its sweltering source.
I couldn’t help but turn, lifting my bottom in the air as he fingered me. “Faster!” I whispered. “Harder!”
“More?” he asked, not waiting for my response before slipping a third finger in, stretching me, making me moan against the mattress. When he moved behind me, his motion shifting the bed, Ronnie stirred, sighing softly in her sleep and curling her hand up under her chin. I watched her chest rise and fall, her pink nipples puckered and hard, and I wondered if she was dreaming about this very thing as TJ teased me from behind, his cock sliding up and down between my pussy lips.
“Please,” I whispered, looking back at him, his eyes dark with lust in the early morning light. “Fuck me, TJ.”
I used my muscles to squeeze the head of his cock as he pressed it against my hole and he gasped, grabbing my hips and shifting forward. I bit my lip, trying to be quiet, enjoying having him to myself for the moment, focused solely on me as he reached around to cup the sway of my breasts in his hands.
“God you’re so fucking tight,” he whispered, and I whimpered as he pulled back, only halfway in me, to thrust again. This time he made it all the way in and stayed there for a moment, his cock throbbing so thickly I could feel his pulse. “I love your little cunt, Janie…”
I squirmed under his praise, pressing my cheek against the mattress, my eyes roaming over Ronnie’s curves as she slept beside us. She shifted in her sleep as TJ began to fuck me. He was in no hurry, using my juices to slowly wet his way, his fingers alternately tweaking my nipples and strumming my clit, keeping me guessing.
“Lick her,” TJ urged, his hand in my hair, guiding me. “I want to watch.”
I didn’t need to be asked twice. I leaned over to kiss the rise and fall of Ronnie’s belly, down to the hairless cleft of her pussy. I loved smelling her, tasting her, using my tongue to part her lips so I could focus on the sweet bud of her clit. She came awake a bit at a time, her hips beginning to move in rhythm with my tongue, her eyelids fluttering, her breath coming faster, faster. She was just half-awake, her nipples standing straight up, her pussy swelling under the attention of my mouth.
When she finally opened her eyes and moaned out loud, fisting her hands into my hair, I moved fully between her open thighs, eager to please her now. TJ groaned, his cock slowing as he watched his wife’s body twisting, arching, one hand on my head, the other palming her breast, fingering her nipple and I knew—he must be close to coming. He always did that when he wanted to wait, slowed to almost stopping, making that little growly noise in his throat.
I loved that sound.
“Janie, baby,” Ronnie whispered, stroking my hair, my cheek, her thighs trembling. “Oh sweetie, please… please don’t stop…”
Not a chance. I whimpered, pressing my tongue flat in the way she loved, wiggling it back and forth against the sensitive kernel of her clit, my fingers finding the wet give of her pussy and sliding in deep. She moaned, ushering her hips upward to meet me, and I saw her looking over my head, past me, watching her husband fuck me from behind.
“TJ,” she murmured, her eyes half-closed with pleasure. “She’s gonna make me come so hard…”
“Yes, baby,” he urged, grabbing my hips, squeezing, his cock pulsing deep inside of me. “Come all over her face. Do it. Come on!”
Ronnie reached a hand out and he grabbed it, their palms flat against one another, their fingers twining. I buried my face in her cunt, sucking and licking, greedy for her climax, and she gave it to me with sudden, shuddering thrusts, actually covering her mouth with her other hand to keep from crying out too loudly.
“Jesus, Ronnie,” TJ whispered, pulling slowly out of me, still rock hard, making me whimper at the loss. “I have to fuck you.”
I moved aside, stretching out beside his wife. She cradled me in her arms, kissing the sweet taste of her own pussy from my lips, holding me tight, belly to belly. We lost ourselves in softness, our breasts pressed together as TJ straddled Ronnie’s thigh, lifting her other leg so he could slide his cock into her wetness. She cried out against my mouth when he began to fuck her and I had to break away to watch.
TJ had a gorgeous cock and it was just accentuated by the sight of Ronnie’s fat pussy lips spreading for him with every thrust. I reached down to find her clit, rubbing it with my fingers, back and forth at first, then in circles, making her moan and squirm.
“You, too, precious,” she canlı casino whispered, her hand cupping my tender, throbbing mound. I shivered, leaning in to kiss her again, our tongues touching as she slipped two fingers down around my clit, cradling it in the V made by her index and middle finger, rocking her hand up and down. God, I loved that sweet, indirect stimulation, that constant rubbing. It reminded me of when I was young and used to masturbate by riding against a pillow
Oh fuck,” TJ cried, thrusting harder, deep. “Ronnie! Oh!”
She broke our kiss to gasp, “Yes! Give me your come, baby! I want Janie to lick it all up!”
That did it. He threw his head back, his body jerking and twitching with his climax, his belly, hard and flat from his morning workouts, contracting rhythmically as he emptied himself into her. He groaned when I reached down to grab him, squeezing his softening length as he slid himself slowly out of Ronnie’s moist heat, and the sound that came from his throat was sibilate, almost a hiss, as I moved down to lick the head of his dick clean.
“Oh! God!” I cried out in surprise as Ronnie shoved my hips to the bed and buried her face between my thighs. I accepted her weight as TJ moved away, swinging her thigh over my head so she could position herself over my face. I could smell them together, TJ and Ronnie, his cum and hers, and I wrapped my arms around her hips so I could press my face fully between her legs.
“Jesus,” TJ murmured as he stretched out beside us, watching. “You’re both so beautiful.”
Neither of us acknowledged his compliment—we both had our mouths full. The feel of Ronnie’s tongue sweeping over my clit made me flushed with heat and I moaned against her pussy, working hard to concentrate on her clit, too, trying to focus as her mouth drove me to distraction.
“Taste good?” TJ asked and I gave him a muffled assent, sucking at Ronnie’s clit, feeling her body quaver. I couldn’t even begin to tell him how good she tasted—how good they tasted together. I could have spent all day worshipping the soft, pungent spread of her flesh against my tongue.
TJ rested on his elbow, but his face was up by his wife’s head as he studied her licking my cunt, spreading me open to give him a better view. But I could see the hardening length of his cock, still slick from the fucking and the sucking he’d received, and the sight of his hand shuttling up and down made me want to come right then and there.
“Oh god,” Ronnie gasped as my tongue dashed furiously back and forth over her clit, my hands cradling the full swell of her breasts, tweaking her nipples. “That’s so fucking good!”
“Are you close?” TJ ‘s hand moved faster between his legs. “You want to come, baby?”
She moaned, rubbing her whole face against my pussy now, her cheeks, her chin. I gasped, rising up to meet her.
“Janie!” she cried, her thighs trembling, her nipples like pebbles under my fingers. “Oh fuck! Janie! Janie!”
I would have said yes or fuck yes or come for me but I couldn’t say a word as she cried out and came in my mouth, her whole pussy spasming, her clit throbbing against the full rush of my tongue. I continued to lick and lick and lick her, my tongue sliding between the soft folds of her flesh, lapping over the puffy outer lips of her cunt.
“Little Janie wants to come, too,” TJ murmured and I moaned when Ronnie turned her full attention back between my thighs, using both her fingers and tongue this time.
My whole body sang with pleasure and still I wanted more. My attention shifted to TJ’s cock, fat and firm again in his fist, and I reached over as far as I could, scratching his balls with my fingernails. He groaned, shifting further down on the bed to give me more access, letting me grasp him firmly in my hand, tugging.
“Greedy girl,” TJ gasped. “You want that cock?”
I nodded, eager. “Let me suck you.”
He nudged Ronnie and she moved off me, settling herself down fully between my thighs, her dark eyes bright as she looked up at me over my mound, her mouth once again anchored deliciously right there.
“Suck it, then,” TJ agreed, kneeling and feeding me his cock. I moaned as he pushed the head between my lips, accepting the thrust of it, the way he reached around and cupped my neck, giving him leverage. “Oh baby, yeah. God your mouth…”
I just sucked him, trying not to come, trying so hard with Ronnie’s fingers fucking me deep, her tongue rubbing, rubbing. I wanted it to go on and on. TJ growled and grabbed my breast, squeezing, twisting, and I gasped around the thick length of him buried deep in my throat, my hips thrusting upward.
“That’s my girl,” TJ growled, shoving his cock into my mouth, making me choke on it because he knew I loved it. “Take that fucking cock. I want you to swallow my cum, you hear me?”
I nodded, moaning, taking him again, again, working for it, wanting it.
“Oh fuck!” He squeezed my nipple, pulling, and I would have screamed with my own climax at that moment, kaçak casino but he was already coming, flooding my mouth with a fountain of hot white stuff. I strained upward, my whole body thundering on the bed with my own orgasm as I dutifully swallowed him, wanting more, it was never enough, never. I sucked him until he began to wilt and begged me to stop and even then, I licked the taste of him from my lips and chin.
“Our greedy girl.” TJ chuckled as he collapsed beside his wife, pulling me between them.
“Mmm, she is.” Ronnie kissed me, her lips impossibly soft. smoothing my hair away from my face. “I love it.”
“I love you.” I snuggled closer, my cheek against her breast.
“And we love you.” TJ kissed the top of my head, putting his arm across both of us.
“One big happy family.” I laughed, knowing how very strange and yet how very true it was.
I must have dozed off again—it was still very early, the sun just coming up, and it was Saturday, after all. Ronnie slept too, her cheek resting against the top of my head, but TJ had already showered and was standing in front of the full-length mirror on the back of their walk-in closet door, tying his tie, when I opened my eyes again.
“Did I sleep through the weekend?” I rubbed my eyes and yawned, stretching under the covers.
“Shhh.” TJ glanced at Ronnie, who was smiling in her sleep. “It’s just for a few hours.”
“I heard that.” Her eyes didn’t open and her words were barely intelligible but TJ sighed, understanding her perfectly.
“Sorry, babe,” he apologized, shrugging on his suit coat. “Honest, I won’t be long.”
“You always say that.” Ronnie opened her eyes to look at him and then at me. She frowned, her hand moving in my hair, petting absently. “I thought we were all going to make a day of it. We promised we’d take Beth to the Met. They’ve got Picasso on exhibit.”
“We are. We will.” TJ made a face, undoing his tie and starting again. “Besides, she’s six… she’s got plenty of time to see Picasso. She’d probably have more fun at the McDonald’s playland.”
“I would,” I mouthed, rolling my eyes, but I knew Ronnie couldn’t see me with my head tucked under her chin. TJ did though and he smirked.
“TJ, she has to know this stuff if we want to get her into Trinity—”
Oh god, not this again. Yes,Trinity was the most prestigious school in New York—and just happened to be where Beth was teaching, so it would make life much easier, I knew, in terms of scheduling—but was it really the end of the world if the kid didn’t get in? Did anyone need that much pressure in second grade?
“You know what, Ronnie?” I found way to change the subject as I cuddled up, my cheek more fully on her chest.
“Hm?” She glanced at me, momentarily distracted. That was good.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear your breasts were bigger.” I cupped one of them in my hands, teasing her nipple.
“Stop,” she snapped, pushing my hand away and reaching for the covers. I sat up on my elbow, blinking at her in surprise as she pulled the coverlet practically up to her chin.
“What?” I looked between her and TJ, not understanding the sudden temperature change in the room. “I just—”
“You’re pregnant.” TJ’s face paled, the dimple in his chin growing more prominent as his pallor changed, his eyes widening as he stared at his wife. I gaped at him, looking back at Ronnie and seeing the truth in her eyes. TJ saw it, too, staggering to the bed and sitting on the edge. He looked back at her with a dazed expression. “I thought you had that thing, that IUI thing…”
“IUD,” she corrected, hugging the covers around herself. “I do. I did.”
“Did?” His eyebrows went up.
“I had them take it out,” she explained softly. “After I got pregnant. It happens sometimes, even though it’s ninety-nine-something-percent effective. And sometimes, when they take it out, you lose the baby…”
“But…” He took a deep, shaky breath. “They took it out, and you’re still pregnant?”
She nodded and I saw her lower lip trembling. I wanted to hug her but I couldn’t move. I knew I shouldn’t be there, but there I was, and I had no idea what to do now.
TJ sighed, putting his head in his hands. “After what we went through with Beth, we said… we agreed…”
The tears Ronnie had been holding back spilled down her cheeks. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”
TJ wasn’t looking, didn’t see. “How far along?”
“A little over three months.”
I touched her bare arm, rubbing lightly, gently. She glanced at me and tried to smile but didn’t quite make it.
“And you didn’t tell me?” He turned toward her, his eyes blazing.
“I was going to,” she managed, tears pooling at the hollow of her throat.
TJ saw them now and his face softened. Then he looked at me. “Janie, can you go check on Beth?”
I nodded, knowing it was just a excuse to get me out of the room, and I took it, grabbing my t-shirt off the floor and pulling it on before slipping out the door. I did check on Beth, but she was still sleeping, her thumb tucked firmly into her mouth, a habit Ronnie was trying in vain to break her of. She was definitely going to end up with braces at this rate.
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